Thought Collections

Musings;
Well it takes practice to become a good writer and boy do I need practice! How do I come up with ideas to put down on the page?
She sits at her laptop computer, contemplating, mussing, and asking questions that she already knows the answers to. Her mind is blank, it seems her mind is a void that is empty and lonely, she needs to fill it up, with stuff, good stuff, good books, less television, taking a class in writing, playing with and learning the computer, feeling less sorry and more grateful for the things she has in her life. She is creative but is too scared to admit the truth to her self much less put it down on the written page. The uncertainty, the unfulfilled, the creative muse buried in thoughts of failure and not trusting that she can; if she works at it; accomplish many things, her heart desires. They are good dreams; they would not hurt anyone, they make her feel happy as well as sad, she can’t seem to contend with these two opposites from her nature. Fear and loathing take over and she quits before she has even had a chance to see what she is made of. She is fearful of being found out, what if people believe she really is a fraud, or a liar, or something worse. She can’t face herself head on, still, after all these years, 52 of them to be exact, and be who she wants to be, or dreams of being.
She leans her elbow on the counter and props her head up with her hand, gazing into nothingness hoping for a miracle to occur and she will suddenly be able to write the perfect sentence, forgetting that dreams don’t come about by wishing, or praying, “dreams” is an action word, it’s action and hard work that will manifest her desires but she has spent so many years feeling helpless that she gives up after writing only a few words not enough to fill even one page. She twirls her hair around her finger continuing to think long and hard, and still only these musings come to her head, just random thoughts, nothing of substance, or so she tells her self.
She blames her failure on the constant interruption that seems to be around her at all times, grand children, the noise from the television, her dogs whining at her feet, begging for attention at the very moment she decides to sit down and try her hand one more time, for the millionth time. Her self doubt so strong she soon gives up the ghost fearing she is losing her mind, and she thinks to her self “who do you think you are, you should settle in and be quiet for a change stop with these silly dreams.”
But isn’t that what the world is made of? People dreaming the impossible and bringing them into fruition not only for fame and glory, thanks and applause but for themselves, their own personal creations that are done in secret and which help the world just as much by someone thinking them into being. Because when they listen to their souls cry’s they are able to exorcize the darkness, and turn it into light.
The bible talks about people going into their closets and praying in secret. God doesn’t need temples made from pure gold, to hear our prayers and nether do our dreams. Pray and dream in secret, and if the day ever comes that you feel you want to share them, you can do that, but for now let not thoughts of fame and glory muddy your road to your hearts desires. You will find contentment in the ordinary, see its beauty, feel its heart beating in your chest, listen to your heart songs and they will teach you to sing back.
Find quote from the bible...
Matthew 6.6
But thou, when thou prayest, enter into thy closet, and when thou hast shut thy door, pray to thy Father which is in secret; and thy Father which seeth in secret shall reward thee openly.
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Another day:
It’s a beautiful fall day, the sun is shining there’s a bit of cool breeze and I’m listening to Tommy James and the Shondells sing Crystal Blue Persuasion. Supper is in the oven and I feel like writing. A glass of red wine helps to relieve these feelings of frustration. Focusing my intentions seems to be an impossible task, too much guilt from the past I can’t seem to move forward? Old feelings keep getting in the way.
Make new connections between my body and mind, there must be a way to create this? I’ve read so many self help books you think I would have figured it out by now. But Dam it I need to find it out for myself which is so bloody frustrating but I guess like my writing nothing will come to me without work and constant attention. I find life, writing, or any other dream I have so hard it’s like trying to make a flower without God’s help!!! You can’t! I just answered my own question...
Extraordinary!!
Action relieves guilt the same way an aspirin will ease a headache.
Words are like pieces in a puzzle you just need to place them correctly in the picture you’re creating in your mind. Words are extraordinary, miraculous and magical!!
Prayer is your soul’s way of coping with the separation between God and your spirit.

Sending this to the ethers is not easy for me but here goes!
Elle